Dysfunctional family members are like assholes..everyone has one!
Contrary to popular belief, it is very difficult to take a dysfunctional family and make it functional. The opposite would be true is well. However for the purpose of this blog (and, because the author is much more familiar with chaos) the topic shall remain strictly on taking several wrongs (DNA) and attempting to make it right.
‘Living amongst dysfunction…in a household setting…is like finding your ‘own’ misshapen and non hygienic lint on a pair of socks. There is nothing more disgusting than your own special brand of gross.’
Dysfunction, junction…what is your function?
The first mistake is making every attempt within your impotent powers to stir things up. You are currently in a cesspool race amongst inbred rats…there is no winning and/or changing the game plan.
As the saying goes,
‘It is like pissin’ into the winds!’
WE all eat what we sow!
Your best bet is to not bet at all. Change in a defective world is a slow and steady game of RISK…And, you are a country in and of itself. You have no allies!
Never, never, ever, talk to them or talk above them. Them being the ‘Flawed Clan’. Do not attempt to argue with them when they are;
riled
stirred up
a festering human boil
and/or
disgruntled once again,
over an argument that occurred two decades ago
Above all, do not strive to out swear them. When in the process of out cussing the kissin’ Cousin or the demented Dad, you will find yourself only using the optimal words and/or:
FUCK
Fuck this
Fuck that
Fuck you
What the fuck
and my personal favorite
You are fucked up!
It’s hard to put the big Girl panties on when your family suffers from diaper rash!
There are so many other ways to deal with the current situation…whether it is a the stage of just having been told your grandmother is your sister’s father. Or, your distant, distant, not distant enough, cousin is fond of necrophilia.
Swearing/cussing will only lead to dumbing you down and is known to cause bouts of ‘redneck’ dialect!
How to physically right the wrong of maladjusted lineage?
Do not look unhappy! Take that fated frown and turn in upside down! If you do not do this…the defrocked dynasty will suck you in with their ‘funny bone’ dramas!
No matter, the Whoa is me situation:
Uncle Hilde wants to be Aunty Hilda
Sister Flo believes there are aliens living in her small intestine.
Step Dad #5 was once an alcoholic clown in a traveling show
Misery loves company. Dysfunction loves snowstorms in the middle of July and they will blame you for the plight. Particularly if you are suspiciously…wearing a frown!
A simple list of how to combat dysfunction and stop it from breeding:
- Psychotropic medications
- Relocation
- Becoming an alcoholic and/or addict
- Talking to the animals
- Frontal Lobe Lobotomies
- Changing your last name
Necessary Items 4 a family outing: travel Buddha and Daily Reflections!
The only real solution to taking problematic family trees and shaking the apes out?
A good sense of self, a spouse that has not been afflicted by a similar disease, hope, faith and occasional private sessions of isolated rage.
Private Non-Inclusive Isolated Rage; This is a practice/hobby that should be participated in by one’s self. You will need a copy of ‘Every Rose as it’s Thorns’ by White Snake. You will also need to acquire every episode of ‘All in the Family’ that has ever been placed upon this bigoted earth. A container of red ants that have not been feed in the last week or so. One jar of pure honey…not the fake stuff. Ants can tell the difference!
It is best that you remove all dangling jewelry and strip down to what God gave ya’. Then, ask your spouse for a period uninterrupted time in the basement. A comfortable chair is advised.
As you put on the music, volume to the max. Archie in his chair…on mute. Place yourself with the tender love in care you should have received as a child…but didn’t, in the barren but comfy chair. Open the jar of honey placed by your left foot. Un-hinge the jar of ants…with your right foot.
Close your eyes and rest in peace knowing…you are currently in a much healthier space than you ever will be at a Thanksgiving dinner with the Parents!
##The history pages are filled with the anguish of growing up in unfit clans. The Kennedys are a prime example of several attempts at sexing the junky genes out. And, let’s face it, there are many of them left. Start to work today…
Stop Dysfunctional Families today…donate toNever, ever mix recreational marijuana and family…it’s a waste of a good high!
Castration for Cross Breeding Clans!
Filed under: addiction, buckets for humor, dysfunctional family, family ties, humor's bucket list, mental health, randomwordbyruth, substance abuse, ugliness, Uncategorized, WTF Tagged: buckets for humor, DNA, Dysfunction, dysfunctional families, Dysfunctional family, every rose has it's thorns, Family, Family and Relationships, Gene pool, kissing cousins, RISK, Stepfamily, Thanksgiving, white snake
